The bottom, generally the bottom-right, keeps acting like it's being randomly pressed. As a resistive touchscreen, this is undoubtedly a hardware problem, and this is affirmed by the fact pressing on the dash triggers this.
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Apparently the dealership attempt to fix it was by attempting to upgrade to version 21 of UConnect. They didn't even accomplish that.
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https://www.driveuconnect.com/support/software-update.html has the updates . . . except the downloads aren't there anymore and they expect you to use wifi, which it doesn't have I'm pretty sure.